We held a Circle conversation (facilitated by Dalila Huerta) on June 5, 2022. It included several dozen people–some members and some newcomers. About two thirds of us were in-person and a dozen or so participated via Zoom.

Prior to the circle, some folks read a prepared statement urging the congregation to reduce the minister’s role to part time, and increasing the Office Manager position to full time.

During the circle, we asked Ms. Huerta to take notes on everything which was shared. These are her notes:

What value originally drew you to the First Unitarian Church?
Intellectual discussion
Unitarian
Honesty
Inclusion
Social activism
Democracy
Religious education
Acceptance
Community
Embracing all
Friendship
Political action
Extended family
Non-dogmatic
Love
Inherent worth
Dignity
Interconnectedness
Fellowship
Free thought
Curiosity
Safety/refuge
Liberal beliefs
Freedom of expression

How are we failing to live up to our values and mission? Where and how are we falling short?
● Diversity and inclusion: we don’t always strive to get “everyone”––e.g. we’re all well-educated
● Lack of specific church leadership
● Feel like we’re not being heard or listened to
● Wish the church stood up for social justice action in the community more
● Need more social justice and progressive policies and activities
● We “talk the talk” but don’t “walk the walk”
● Need money and attention for specific actions, not just general “social justice”
● Need to bring in the youth / more energy
● “Inclusion” only practiced when others believe what we believe––we have become insular
● We are dogmatic about being P.C.; not listening to views that are different
● We have been looking outwards instead inwards: let’s ask, why isn’t that diversity already here?
● Focusing too much/too singularly on increasing membership
● We are not assisting members in succeeding in their events/activities
● Lack of administrative support
● Need to diversify age of pledgees
● We are mistaking being heard for getting our way
● We have a lot of good ideas that we never implement
● We need to invest in thinking to get to right action
● We are not providing a forum for people to speak and share thoughts
● People are being shut down for speaking negatively about a religion
● We need more diversity in ages
● There is a lack of communication
● The same people are getting things done all the time
● We need to commit to social action beyond our comfort
● Intellectual discussion is low
● Sermons are too theatrical and persuasive in nature
● The “unitarian way of doing it” is dogmatic
● The minister is active in the community in isolation
● There is an unwillingness to deal with conflict

How and when have you experienced harm in your church?
● Have not been able to participate as much as had hoped
● Running tech has interfered with participation; imbalance in practical needs vs. spiritual needs
● Job/responsibilities getting in the way
● Not sharing responsibilities; always being stuck in the kitchen
● “Not being heard”––should not be shut down
● People aren’t willing to engage
● Too much conflict avoidance / dismissing conflict
● Congregation harmed when people have taken their feelings to a small group of people without an open conversation
● Dishonesty and cowardice in answering, “How do I feel? What happened to me?”; won’t tell the truth
● Covid has interfered with spiritual experience
● Too much stamina required during this meeting; the process of getting to this meeting was painful
● Being ignored, people not taking responsibility
● Not addressing conflict; sin of omission
● Having to do all the work, being the short-stop
● There are no norms for disagreeing
● It’s so hard being in leadership in this church; there is a lot work and little respect
● We have lots of young people who come through the church but do not return

What would you like to see happening in your church?
● There are different opinions on direction; we should be willing to let things get messy
● We need a well-defined conflict process for healing
● People need to join committees that do X
● We need honesty, communication, respect, and honoring
● We need exit interviews
● Remember that we are volunteers; don’t blame us
● Would like to be more connected with the church in meaningful ways
● We need to not be conflict avoidant
● We need Miss Allen’s music; things that bring joy
● We need to become more connected
● We should seek repair when we say something hurtful
● You can’t problem solve without first addressing feelings; it’s a process
● Remember that there’s two levels to change: 1) the practical, things we want to change, and 2) the personal, how we react to one another
● We should not discount people’s ideas; we need more listening
● We need to address the communication issue
● Church needs to be a healing space
● We need to work on listening to and hearing one another
● When people don’t feel heard, how do we move forward? What is enough?
● We need to be the best version of who we are
● We need to stop being conflict averse––stick around long enough to see it resolve
● The board needs to be courageous and compassionate, and invite folks
● We need to work together
● We need to keep and expand the sense of joy in being together
● We need to be talking with each other vs. talking about each other
● We can build a community through being with one another and listening to one another
● People who show their hearts are natural leaders
● We need to treat women in our community with respect
● We should not try to be superheroes
● We need more appreciation for the minister
● We need more / better communication
● We need more opportunities to have meetings like this (but maybe not as long!)
● Need not to feel judged for parenting
● We need to respect and appreciate each other and what they do
● We need a mentoring program for new members
● We need to get to the root of the real issues––it’s an opportunity to express ourselves and feel better
● We need better communication and a better way to resolve conflict; the process has started
● We need better connections to the community/South Bend
● We should hire someone to help us learn how to communicate / conflict management

Other thoughts/comments:
● The care committee has been amazing
● Remember the volunteer basis of this church; the execution of ideas depends on volunteers; who will do all of this?
● Remember that everyone is traumatized due to Covid
● What is the perception of what the church is doing vs. reality?
● The “best version of ourselves” is also up to individual perception
● The congregation makes the church, not the minister
● What will we intentionally do to make this community better?